Thank you for bearing with me as far as the holiday hiatus on Maddy and Declan's story. We're coming back in full force with the new year, though! More Maddy and Declan every Friday, I promise. ^_^
(Updates are planned for every Friday afternoon/evening)
To catch up on the previous chapters, please check out the full story page here:
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There may be typos or other mistakes in this story, as it has not been fully edited yet. These will be fixed in future updates. Please enjoy it for what it is! ❤
Maddy's upstairs taking a shower. I'm downstairs and I'm supposed to be taking a shower, too. It's for the best, really. We need some distance right now. By that I mean I need some distance from her. It's not like I can't control myself, because I can. I don't have to swing open the bathroom door like a madman, enter without a care or an explanation, strip off my pants, and climb into the shower with Maddy.
I don't have to do that, but I really wish I could do that. That's sort of what temptation is all about, though. We want things that we can't have. It's not just about sins, or maybe it is. I remember when I was little and my mom would start leaving presents underneath the Christmas tree after we set it up at the beginning of December.
First it was just a few. She'd put small ones, little things she picked up and wanted to get for me throughout the year. My mom loves Christmas and giving presents. It's not just a holiday thing for her, it takes year round planning. If she sees something she thinks someone will like, instead of just getting it and giving it to them the next time she sees them, she hides it away and wraps it up as a Christmas present.
So when I was a little kid, I knew my mom did this. I didn't know where she hid the presents. I still don't know. For all I know she has a bank vault somewhere that's top secret and she stores everything there. That part doesn't really matter, but I just know that there's going to be presents, and as soon the tree goes up, right after we decorate it…
Bam! Presents! A few at first, tidy and wrapped, and then more and more. By the time Christmas week rolls around, the stage is almost all set. She always leaves the biggest ones for last and she says they're from Santa. She still does it, too.
The point I'm trying to make is that my current situation is exactly like that, but maybe even worse. Do you know how hard it is to wait an entire year knowing your mom is grabbing presents for you when you least expect it? We might be shopping together and I look at something that I like. I have no idea what it is. She'll notice, though. She'll come back later, buy it, and by the time I get it for Christmas I almost forget that I was even looking at it, but…
It all comes rushing back to me. It's amazing. It's the sort of thing I'd love to do for my kids some day.
Except I'm not having kids because I'm going to seminary school to become a priest. I need to remember that. That's literally my entire life's plan at this point and I don't have another one, so…
Maddy's like that, though. She's like that to me. She's the Christmas present that I've wanted for so long. I tried to forget, but each and every time I did, all the times I thought I was finally out and I could move on and it wasn't a big deal anymore, well…
There she was again. There she is. And the memories rush back, but it's not Christmas yet. It's never going to be Christmas as far as that's concerned, either. Or that's what I thought. That's still what I think, except last night was basically like Christmas for me.
I feel shitty framing it like that, too. Christmas is the day we celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. It's not about presents, or it's not supposed to be. Presents are cool and all, but I'm basically comparing the day Maddy and I accidentally got high on pot brownies and I took her virginity to the day that Jesus Christ was born.
Yeah… seriously, God, I'm not trying to do this. I'm not trying to do the absolute worst possible things I can do.
It was like that, though. The feeling. The feeling of waiting for something for so long, but you don't actually know you're going to get it. And then when you least expect it, it just sort of happens. You remember all of the thoughts and feelings you had before. It's better than you ever could have expected, too. This isn't just a Christmas present, it's like a Christmas miracle.
I never thought I would have sex with my stepsister. I never planned on it, either. It happened, though. It happened and now I know what it's like to experience something spiritually perfect, but then to feel like absolute shit about it afterwards because you know you shouldn't have done it, no matter the circumstances.
Would I take it back? If I could, if I could somehow travel back in time and stop myself from doing it?
Uh… yeah… that's hard to answer, and I want to say I would. The good Catholic boy in me knows that's how I should feel. Me, though? Declan Calhoun? I don't feel like that at all. I feel guilty I don't feel like that, but that's not the same as regretting it.
I want to atone, but I want it to have happened, too. I'm not sure if I can actually atone for something I don't regret, though.
And, to make this all worse, Maddy's upstairs taking a shower. I can hear her. Not actually her, but I can hear the shower from downstairs. The sound of the shower incites a million perfect memories. Every single time I thought of Maddy over the years, I think about them all now. Not each memory is carnal, either. Some are sweet and nice. I don't want Maddy for her body. Yes, I think she's perfect in all ways, but I want her for a lot more, and that's the real problem. If it was just sex, it'd be one thing, but it's not. It's not just one thing, it's an infinite amount.
The water trickles down, flowing through the drain and the pipes above me. It's subtle and it's never bothered me before, but now the only thing I can think of is Maddy, naked, washing off. Soap covers her body like a heavenly cloud. She's an angel and the image fits perfectly with what I know about her. Sunshine from the bathroom window flashes bright, cascading through the shower curtain, framing Maddy in a perfect angelic glow.
And here I am, thinking sinful thoughts about what it'd be like to walk in on her in the shower, enter her glow, be a part of her soapy clouds, and to experience the divinity of our bodies coming together as we make love once again.
It's not divine, though. It feels like it. It felt special and wonderful and miraculous. It's a sin, though. There's no other way around it. There will never be another way around it.
I turn the downstairs shower on to block out the sound of Maddy taking a shower. It's in my mom and stepdad's room, but they let us use it as long as they don't need it. They're not here, so obviously they don't need it right now. I feel like I should wait, though. I should take a shower somewhere else. It just seems wrong to be in here right now.
Well, picture this, if you will:
I strip out of my clothes, turn the shower on, and since the only thing I've been able to think about for, oh… the entire time I've been awake? However long that is, which seems like an eternity right now, but we won't even go into that.
Plus the fact that Maddy's naked in the shower on the second floor right now. That doesn't help.
I step into the steam of the shower in my mom and stepdad's room with an erection that could cut glass while I daydream about doing sinful things with my stepsister over and over again.
What the fuck is wrong with me?
And… do I masturbate to try and clear my head and get rid of this erection? Might as well add another sin to the list, right?
Worse yet, a part of me doesn't want to do it because what if Maddy and I have sex again later? I want to be ready for her, fully and completely.
I know we shouldn't. I don't know if we won't, but I know we shouldn't. I should seriously change that to “it'll never happen again” but I can't.
I'm not that strong. I doubt I ever will be.
(The end for now. More coming very soon!)
We've still got a lot to cover and I'm excited to get into it! First, I want to apologize for the end of the year hiatus. The holidays just really got in the way of a lot, and I wanted to make sure I could get Caleb and Scarlet's story out to you before the end of the year, too. Both took a lot out of me and I needed to really focus, so unfortunately Maddy and Declan's story kind of went on the back burner for a little while.
We're back, though! Hurray!
A lot of the story has been leading up to this moment, but there's so much more I plan on covering, too. Some of you have kind of guessed at a few things, but I don't want to get into that because it involves future spoilers, haha. Here's what we're looking at from here, though:
Paul's still around and he could be an issue…
Declan has to run the church for the week (or at least he's supposed to?)
Maddy needs to deal with everything, which is going to be complicated considering Father Patch is gone and she's got no one to confess to. Or does she…?
Their parents are sick and won't be back for awhile, either. This could lead to more temptation or maybe not? Hmmm…
Plus a few other surprises I have in store! One is about Maddy and one involves Declan. They're kind of hinted at in parts before this, but I'll keep those a secret.
Do we think Maddy and Declan can make it through? I don't know… Are they going to become a public couple or will they have a secret romance together, or something else entirely? There's a lot that could happen and I hope you're excited to see how it goes throughout 2018!
Thanks for reading. Keep an eye out for more very soon!
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