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One Night Sin – Maddy & Declan's Story (Chapter 14)
I know how confession works, alright? Seriously, I've done it enough times. I get that my first time was a little rough, but everyone has to start somewhere. I started where I started, and somehow this led me here, which, uh…
I try to say something. By that I mean I plan to stick to the script. I've confessed to Father Patch enough times to know what I'm supposed to say. The thing is, I don't expect Maddy to be opposite me in the booth. It's not like we can see each other, but she's basically the last person I thought would be there. I know Father Patch said “she” when he directed me to the confessional booth, but I figured it was someone's grandma or something.
Seriously, who else goes to confession this early in the morning? I'm trying to be good here, but even I don't do that. I mean, I kind of planned on maybe doing it this morning, but I hadn't fully convinced myself. I'd get to it, sure, but…
That's not the point. The point is, when Maddy started confessing her sins, which maybe weren't actually sins, I just sat there, speechless. Yeah, maybe I could have said something. What the fuck do you even say in a situation like this, though?
Hey, uh, Maddy, by the way, I'm listening to your confession. Don't worry about it. I've got this.
No? You think that's stupid, too? Yeah, and I agree with you. I don't want to agree with you, and I didn't even want to be in this situation in the first place, but…
Here I am. Listening to Maddy confess that she thinks last night was a dream. Which is cool and all, but then she starts confessing that she dreamed we were having sex, and she almost had an orgasm in her sleep. Which, so, going to take a second to comment here and say I'm kind of impressed with myself for that one. I hope my dream self was really good, too.
Not the kind of good I'm going for now. A bad kind of good. Fuck. Am I going to have to confess about that, too? I need to stop this.
So, I listen, and I try to be good, and I try to figure out how I'm going to break the news to Maddy that I'm the one listening to her confession. It's not going to be easy, and I know that. Except then she starts talking about how she doesn't want to lure me into temptation.
Well, Maddy, it's funny you should say that! It's not actually funny. Stop laughing. Holy fuck.
It's just I guess it's kind of funny considering the majority of my sexual fantasies for the past, uh… forever? Yeah, if you didn't already know, they've been about Maddy.
The part that does me in is when she says she doesn't want to fall into temptation herself. It's the way she says it, like it's a possibility. I thought I knew Maddy before all this, and, uh… before all this I would have said that possibility would never exist. Not with Maddy. Oh, yeah, I know her. I've known her for awhile. She's my stepsister, and we're kind of close. Not that close. I've tried to remind myself of that over and over again. I don't want to fuck this up. I don't want to hurt her. I don't want to…
So, that's it. Fuck it.
I throw open the confessional booth door and make a hasty retreat to somewhere the fuck else. I don't even care where I go, I just need to get out of here.
“Yeah, I can't do this,” I say. “I can't fucking do this. Holy shit, what are you doing to me, Father Patch? Is this a test from God or what?”
In hindsight, I probably shouldn't have said anything. I kind of said something when Maddy was talking, but I hid it behind a cough, and I sort of mumbled. I thought maybe she'd realize it was me, but, nah. She didn't. That's all my fault, God. Please don't blame her for this. I'm pretty sure I'm the issue here. Not Maddy. Never Maddy.
She's out of the booth right after me. “Declan?” she says, hushed. Then, louder, “Declan! What the heck!”
Yeah, well, yeah…
Just so we're all on the same page, I agree. What the heck, me? Fuck if I know.
“Oh, uh, hey, Maddy. What's up?” I say to her, nonchalant. Just act casual. Let's go with that.
It works until it doesn't. I can tell the exact moment when it doesn't work, because that's when Maddy takes off for the front door to the church. She bolts down the aisle, faster than the wrath of God. Which I'm pretty sure is about to come crashing down on me any minute here. Maybe God will wait until I'm out of the church, though. Wouldn't want to destroy a perfectly good church, right? Other people need it. Not me. I'm just going to go to Hell for all eternity.
I watch Maddy running away, until she's not. By that, I mean she trips on the church carpet and crashes to the floor. Seriously, that's not the kind of crashing I was talking about before, God. I meant like… thunder and lightning. Onto me. Not Maddy. I don't even know why she's being punished.
Or she just tripped and fell. Accidents happen. It's not all related to God, but right now, at this exact moment, it almost feels like everything is. I feel like this is the punchline to some divine joke that someone set up twenty-one years ago on my birthday. Whoever did it, whether it was God, an angel, Satan, or someone else, thanks. Thanks a fucking lot. I really appreciate it.
I hope I don't have to tell you that I don't actually appreciate it. Please, let's not even start this. I'm not in the mood.
Maddy's on the ground, and I'm worried she's hurt, so I tentatively go over to her. I jog halfway there, and then walk slowly the rest of the way. She's just sitting on the ground, knees pulled to her chest, bottom lip quivering.
I sit down across from her, but far enough away that we aren't too close. If I'm being completely honest, I have no clue how close to get to her right now. We've been close before, but this time the circumstances are different. I really like being close to Maddy, just kind of sitting next to her, so basically now I feel like a complete asshole. I don't know why, I just do.
“Are you alright?” I ask her. “Did you hurt yourself?”
“Yes,” she says, kind of mumbling and pouting. “I did.”
I can't say I've ever seen Maddy pout like this before. I also can't say it's not a huge turn-on, because it is. It really fucking is. Sorry, God, it's just, uh… her lip, and she's got gorgeous lips, and the bottom one's sticking out a little, and I kind of just want to swoop in and kiss her.
That's not going to help anything, though. What do you think this is?
“What'd you hurt?” I ask, trying to keep myself occupied with the task at hand. “I'm here to help. Uh… Father Patch left me in charge, so… are you bleeding? I can get you some bandages. Or, you know, whatever. Do you want to go see Doctor Ellen? I can bring you to her.”
“I'm not bleeding, Declan,” Maddy says, looking up at me quick, then back to the floor. “I feel stupid.”
“What? Hey, you're not stupid,” I tell her.
“I didn't know you were in there,” she says.
“Yeah, about that,” I say. “I had no idea, either. Father Patch just left, and he told me someone was waiting to confess their sins, but he didn't tell me who. I'm really sorry about that, Maddy.”
“What do you have to be sorry for?” she asks, giving me a strange look. “I'm the one who–”
She stops and gives me an even stranger look. Why are you doing this to me, Maddy?
“What are you doing, Declan?” she asks. Just so you know, the look she's giving me hasn't changed much.
“I have no idea what you're talking about,” I tell her.
“You're looking at me funny.”
“I'm looking at you funny?” I counter. “You're one to talk, Maddy.”
“I'm not looking at you funny!” she says. “Wait, am I?”
“Yeah, kind of,” I say. “Just a little.”
“Have you ever had a dream about, um… you know… about us? Have you had one, too?”
“Uh, maybe? Like, once or twice,” I say.
One or two thousand would probably be more accurate, but who's counting?
“This isn't good, Declan,” she says, nodding, matter-of-fact. “Maybe that's why this happened to us.”
“What exactly happened to us?” I ask her.
“This,” she says. “Everything. My confession and then you hearing it, and Father Patch leaving. All of it.”
“Maddy, can you go a little slower. I'm not following you.”
“I'm saying, I bet this happened for a reason. It's one thing to confess our sins, but it's another thing to deal with them, and what better way than to confront them head on. Right?”
“Maddy, I don't want to sleep with you if that's what you're saying. We can't.”
Please ignore the fact that can't is a different verb from don't, because, uh… I know I can't, but I still kind of want to, so…
“Well, duh,” she says, smiling at me. “Of course not! That's just silly. That's kind of what I mean, though. It's obviously something we both know can't happen, so instead of hiding it from each other we should just accept that it'll never happen and then we can both go back to normal.”
“Yeah,” I say, sort of following her logic. “So… what do we do now?”
“We do the same things we always do!” she says, giddy. “It's your first day back home from seminary school and I missed you, so let's hang out.”
“I mean, I missed you, too, Maddy, but…”
I want you to know right now that no amount of willpower could ever prepare me for the sweet and adoring look in Maddy's eyes right then. I've seen it before, and I could barely ever deal with it then. She just sort of… she looks at you. Or, it's me. She looks at me. I don't know if she looks at anyone else like this, and I can't even say it's sexual, but most of the time I get an instant erection.
It's a look that probably shouldn't be sexual, too. It's a look that basically says she wants to spend all day with me, and we can watch a nice movie while eating popcorn together, sitting side by side, and then we'll make dinner together, talk about our day, and then maybe we'll go bowling or gaze up at the stars, and we can contemplate God, life, and the rest of the universe together.
That really shouldn't be sexual, but for some reason when Maddy looks at me that way it turns me on. I don't know what you want me to do about it. It's not like I can help it.
“Mom and Dad left us money for food,” Maddy says, ignoring my last comment and me staring at her. “Do you want to order pizza or go to the grocery store?”
“We could do both?” I suggest. “Go get some groceries for later, but if they left us money for pizza then I don't see why we shouldn't.”
“What kind of pizza?” she asks.
“I don't know.”
“Let's get a good one!”
“What's good, though? Do they still have that florentine one?”
“Ohh, yes! Can we get the loaded fries, too?”
“What about the reuben fries?” I ask her.
“Wait, what are those? Have I had them?”
“I don't know. I don't think so? They're like the loaded fries, but instead of bacon they have pastrami, and then it's mixed in with the fries and some thousand island dressing, and they melt swiss cheese on top.”
“Um, Declan, that sounds amazing?”
“Well, yeah, that's why I suggested it, Maddy!”
It's almost like nothing happened. The keyword there being almost. It is definitely almost like nothing happened, which is incredibly deceptive, because, well…
It just is. You'll find out later.
I'm not sure that acting like nothing just happened is going to work for them, but we shall see…
I know Declan's trying to be good, but now that he knows a few more things about Maddy do you think he's going to be able to stick to that? Except he also doesn't want to hurt her or lure her into temptation himself, so… this is going to get complicated, haha. It'll be even more complicated soon! I have some plans for these two and I think you're going to enjoy it.
It won't be just them, though. I've hinted at two characters that are going to make an appearance soon. One is probably obvious, but the other is from way back at the beginning. Are they good or bad? Hmmm… I'm going to keep that one a secret, haha. I'm excited, though!
I hope you're enjoying Maddy and Declan's story so far. Keep an eye out for more!
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