(Updates are planned for every Friday afternoon/evening)
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I'm a sinner. Me. Madelaine Hamilton. The girl who has gone to church every Sunday since she can remember, volunteered to help different charitable organizations every summer throughout elementary, middle, and high school, and the girl who just recently considered becoming a nun so I could help out Declan if he became a priest.
Yup… that's me!
I'm a sinner.
I think the worst part of all of this is that it's not just one sin, you know? It's a bunch of them. How do you even commit a bunch of sins? I used to wonder about that. I mean, there's a lot of sins out there, too. I'm not going to say I'm perfect, but all things considered I thought my little sins before weren't too bad. They were things I was working on and trying to get better at.
Mostly they all involved Declan.
And… these big sins all involve Declan, too. Oh my gosh, I made Declan sin!
“Declan, I'm so sorry!” I say to him, frantic, worry knitting my brow. “I made you sin.”
“Uh, wait, what?” he asks. “I'm not sure I'm following you.”
“I made you sin,” I repeat myself. “I didn't mean to. I didn't know about… about the brownies… and then the rest. I asked you to, Declan. That's a lot of sins and it's all my fault.”
“I think you're being a little harsh on yourself,” Declan says.
Isn't he so sweet? He's being very nice to me right now, and I really appreciate it, but I don't think it's going to help.
“The endangerment of human safety or life,” I say, ticking off my first sin. “I don't know how that works with marijuana, though. I've never been drunk. Is being high on marijuana like being drunk?”
Declan gives me a weird look, and I immediately realize why.
“Not that you've ever been high or drunk before!” I correct myself. “You wouldn't know. Sorry. I don't know, either. I mean, now we both know what being high is like, so…”
“Maddy…” Declan says.
Really, he's very sweet and kind. I thought this last night, but in a more sensual and… and… erotic… oh my gosh, did I really just think that?
Well, call it what it is, Maddy! Declan thrust his cock in your pussy and there's no way that wouldn't be erotic. What the heck! I did it again. Cock? Really now? Pussy? What kind of person am I?
It felt nice, though. I kind of… I mean… I thought maybe it would, but… the whole waiting for marriage thing, right? That's sort of important. And waiting until marriage isn't a sin. Sins shouldn't feel good, darnit!
I guess if they felt bad people wouldn't do them, though. That's why it's called falling into temptation. God knows these things. He's watching.
Did God watch Declan and I have sex? I'm flustered. I'm completely frazzled. I don't know who uses the word frazzled anymore but I need some good, gentle words to use right now because my mind's going crazy, and frazzled just seems like a good one.
“Maybe we should get you some clothes?” Declan suggests.
Oh, right. I'm not wearing any clothes. I stare at the floor by my feet and notice the sheet I borrowed from Declan's bed. It's laying in a tousled pile, just sitting there. Maybe that's a sin, too. Did I borrow it or did I steal it?
I'm sorry, God. When it rains, it pours, right? It's very rainy right now. Probably a hurricane. Wait, I'm sorry again. I don't mean to make light of people who live in places that have dealt with severe hurricanes. I wish I could help them. I've thought about it, about joining one of those organizations that offers help and aid for natural disasters. Not the official ones, but the ones that go in afterwards as secondary help.
I'm literally the worst person in the world right now, aren't I?
Declan bends down and picks up my sheet, or I guess it's his sheet, and drapes it over my shoulders like a cloak. He guides me back to his bedroom, and I wish I could say I become pure again and don't think of sex at all, but as soon as I see his bed I can't stop remembering last night.
It felt so… good…
“Endangering human life,” I say to him, rambling, checking off my sins. “Encouragement! I basically encouraged you to sin with me, Declan. Fornication, obviously. Sex before marriage. Is this incest? I know we're not blood-related, but I don't know if that's just a technicality or not. I don't like technicalities, Declan, and I really don't think God likes them, either. I know it's not talked about much, but I think this is a sin of scandal, too. You're going to seminary to become a priest, so I think this is a grave sin for you, and I'm the cause of it. I certainly doubt my father is going to consider this honoring him. I think he'll think the opposite, so that's sinful in a different way. And–”
“Maddy, please. Let's just sit down and talk about this for a second, alright?” Declan asks.
“Declan, I stole your bed sheet,” I tell him, my bottom lip quivering. “I'm a thief.”
“You… stole my bed sheet?” he asks, looking like he's unsure what to make of me.
And of course he is! I'm a terrible sinner now! Ugh!
“Yes, I just took it off your bed and I used it to cover myself. I stole it.”
“Maddy, I can honestly say I don't think you stole my bed sheet.”
“I did, though,” I say, sniffling. “Sorry, I'm trying not to cry. I just can't believe I made such a mess of things.”
“Look,” Declan says. “I… I don't know what you think of me, but…”
“Yes?” I say, looking up at him, expectant.
“Can we sit and talk about this?”
“If you're alright talking with me after everything I've done, I don't mind. I would like that.”
Oh no, the aftermath! Is this it, though? Hmm… I don't think so…
We get to see Declan's side of it next week, which is going to be fun and different. Maybe Declan will open up to Maddy a little more, too. As it is, they still don't really know how the other feels, they just know how it feels to be with each other, so we've got a little more work to do, haha.
Also don't forget Paul is lurking around. And the parents. And Declan's still supposed to be in charge of the church for a week. And…
I wanted to make this story a little more dramatic, haha. I hope you're enjoying all the twists and turns so far! I've got a couple more things in mind that'll rock the boat, if you will. Those are coming later, though! I can't wait to show you what I have in store.
Bye for now! ^_^
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