Bonus Scene #2 – Stepbrother With Benefits: Summer Break Celebration
“Ethan, I think we need to have a talk about something before we get too far into this camping trip,” my dad says.
I don't know about you, but when my dad says something like that, I'm pretty sure it means trouble. Fuck if I know what kind of trouble, but does that sound like a good thing to you? To be honest, any time anyone says they've got to talk to me about something, I think it probably means trouble, though.
“Yeah, uh, sure?” I say to my dad.
We just got back from bringing the dog to the vet and having a nice family lunch at some great local restaurant. It was pretty fun, actually. I didn't even try to seduce Ashley in the bathroom like last time, but we did sit next to each other and cuddle a little. It's nice, is what that is. It's nice not having to hide anything, being able to just be open and myself.
It was nice, except now I've got to talk to my dad about something and I'm pretty sure I'm in trouble.
Ashley and her mom decided to go check out some of the maps and pamphlets for activities around here. It's the woods, so I have no idea what the fuck activities they want to look at, but I think I could just show them everything myself. There's the lake, the woods, the campgrounds? Oh yeah, holy shit, there's a vet!
This wasn't some huge fancy place like you see in big cities. I think this guy lived in the apartment above his veterinarian office and his wife was his secretary. Real rustic and quaint, down-to-earth. Also, his wife offered me a fresh baked cookie, so basically she's amazing. Why don't all vets offer people cookies? I have no fucking clue, but they really should.
Anyways, yeah, uh… I'm in trouble. Let's go find out what this is all about.
I follow my dad back to our campsite, but he's quiet the entire way. I try to see if he's clenching his jaw or anything, because that's a sure sign of more trouble, but he looks kind of passive. He keeps peeking over at me, though, all shifty-eyed and everything. What's with the look, Dad? Seriously, what did I do this time?
I don't think I did anything, but you never know when old crimes will catch up with you.
As soon as we get back to the campsite, my dad unzips the tent I'm sharing with Ashley and gestures inside it.
“Help me get your stuff out of there. It's not much, right? Just your bags and sleeping stuff? Just toss it out here. We'll deal with it after.”
“Uh… after what?” I ask him. I really have no idea what's going on here.
“Ethan,” my dad says, staring at me, serious and straight-faced. “You two can't stay here with us. I'm sorry.”
Holy fucking wow. Wow. Seriously? My dad's kicking me out. Not just me, he's kicking Ashley out. I stare at him, mouth open slightly, just kind of fucking… gaping, I guess? I don't gape. Gaping is not a thing I do. But, yeah, right now I'm gaping, and I don't like this.
“Dad,” I say. I have to reason with him. “I thought everything was fine? Are you seriously kicking me and Ashley out? What are we supposed to do, just go home or something? I thought we were all going camping together.”
“It's becoming increasingly evident that all of us camping together is an awful idea,” my dad says.
His lips twitch slightly, almost like he's about to laugh, except I know this kind of twitch. It's bad. You know how people cry when they're sad, but also sometimes when they're really happy? Yeah, this is like that. You laugh or smile when you're happy, but sometimes when my dad's really furious he sort of does the same thing. Never a full on laugh or a grin, but it's that little lip twitch, and…
Yeah, I'm fucked. Completely fucking screwed. He's going to disown me, isn't he?
I fucking told you, Princess! This is why we shouldn't tell my dad we're dating!
I don't know where I'm supposed to live. Maybe I can just live at the beach for the summer before I go back to school. Yeah, uh… what about Ashley? Shit, things are getting real complicated real quick.
“What about Ashley?” I ask. I need to know this. This is important.
“What about her?” my dad asks. “She's going with you, Ethan. This isn't up for debate.”
“Dad, you can't just… you can't just fucking kick us out. I'm your son.”
“And you're also the boyfriend of my stepdaughter, which is a little more important to me at the moment.”
“I can't believe you're doing this.”
“Ethan, it needs to be done. It should have been done a long time ago.”
“Look, I know I've caused more than my fair share of trouble in the past, but you need to give me a chance here. I promise I'm not going to fuck this up.”
“Ethan,” my dad says, staring me down. “Stop. This is already done. You can't change my mind.”
Ugh. Can you believe this? I thought we had something now. I don't fucking know what. Some heartfelt shit or something? Like one of those movies on those family channels about reconnecting or whatever. Those aren't really my kinds of movies, but I guess they're alright. But, nah… we don't have that going on at all.
My dad is kicking me out of… fuck if I know. Is this just camping or what? Is he kicking me out of the house, too? No more trust fund, no more help, no more anything?
Then, to add insult to injury, Caleb and his dad show up. Yeah, just what I need. Get kicked out and disowned by my dad, and I've got an audience to watch it all. Fuck, man…
“You're all set,” Caleb's dad says. “Whenever you're ready, you're good to go. There's plenty of free sites, so just pick any of the ones around here and I'll mark it in the registry later. Since we're not going to be busy for awhile, I'll give you a discount, too. Half off sound good?”
“Sure,” my dad says, smiling. “We were just getting ready to move the tent.”
Uh, we were? I'm pretty sure we weren't doing that and we were talking about my dad disowning me. I stare at him, brow furrowed, and now he just laughs at me.
“What are you even laughing about?” I ask him. “You're disowning me! You're making me and Ashley leave, and…”
Yeah, uh… apparently he's not doing that? Wait a second…
“I was just teasing you, Ethan. The look on your face, though… seriously, that was priceless.”
“I hate you,” I say. Don't worry, I'm allowed to say this because he's my dad and he won't believe me. It's cool.
“Ashley's mother and I talked about it earlier and we thought it'd be in everyone's best interests if we moved your tent away a little. Give us all some privacy, you know? You're still welcome to join us for dinner, though.”
“This is just about moving the tent?” I ask, but, yeah, this is just about moving the tent. “You couldn't just say that before? I thought you were kicking us out.”
“I am kicking you out,” my dad says. “I mean, you don't have to go far. Maybe just the campsite next to us? Should be far enough. Going to be honest with you, I'd rather not hear any random bumps in the night, if you know what I mean. I get that you two are young and invigorated.”
“Invigorated?” I ask. “Are you for real? Who says that?”
Caleb's dad's trying not to laugh at me now, but Caleb's not even trying not to. He's laughing, and… yeah, well, who was going to help him hook up with Scarlet? He's going to have to go to Ashley about that one, because I'm sure not.
I almost died right here. Seriously, I'm traumatized. I almost died.
“Just let me know when you're done,” Caleb's dad says. “I'll leave you both to it. Let's head back up, Caleb.”
I glare at my dad, and he just laughs at me. This isn't even funny. I'm so upset right now, you don't even know.
I help him with the tent, though. It is kind of nice having a campsite to ourselves. It's not like it's that far away, and I can see my dad's tent and our cars easily from here. Just a really short walk is what it is, but it gives all of us a little more privacy, so that's cool.
“You didn't have to do that,” I tell my dad.
“I was just teasing you,” he says. “No hard feelings, alright?”
“Nah,” I say. “I get it. It's kind of funny. I meant that you didn't have to get another campsite for us. We could have just stayed. I know maybe some stuff will be uncomfortable for uh… yeah… Ashley and I can try and tone it down, though. I don't want to be disrespectful to you or Ashley's mom.”
“Of course not,” my dad says, putting a hand on my shoulder. “We don't want to be disrespectful or traumatizing to you, either, so…”
“Yeah, makes sense,” I say. “Cool.”
Then I realize what I'm agreeing to, and… hold the fuck up. Just wait a fucking minute!
“Uh, wait, hold on, what did you mean by that?” I ask. “Why would… holy fuck… Dad, are you for real?”
“What? You two didn't hear us last night? We were kind of worried, actually. Didn't want to be too–”
“Stop. I can't hear this. You can't say this to me.”
“I mean, we are married, so it's pretty reasonable to expect–”
He smirks at me, looking pretty fucking pleased with himself. Yeah, well, I guess he has a reason to. I'm pretty fucking pleased with myself after having sex, too, but this is my dad we're talking about. I can't exactly discuss this with him. If he wasn't married to Ashley's mom, and we weren't talking about my stepmom, uh… yeah, no, I still wouldn't want to discuss this with him.
“In all seriousness, if you ever want to talk about sexual situations with anyone, just let me know,” my dad says. “I know we haven't really discussed much in those regards, but I can help you out.”
“I think I'm fine,” I say. “We had the birds and the bees talk a long time ago. We're good.”
“We could trade tips and tricks?” my dad offers with a goofy grin. “I've got a lot of worldly experience, Ethan. I'd be happy to bestow my vast knowledge upon you.”
“I would rather you keep your vast knowledge to yourself,” I say. “Anyways, how much worldly experience could you have? Mom, way back when, and Ashley's mom, and I guess you must have done your thing when you were younger, but…”
I really don't know why we're having this conversation. I really really don't.
“It's not about the quantity, Ethan. Quality is at least as important. When you're with a partner that you can trust and open up to, you discover a world of experiences that you never could have dreamed of before. I'm sure you'll find out soon enough.”
“I do want to get away from that quantity thing and try out the quality one,” I say.
I refrain from mentioning that Ashley's pussy is of the highest quality and she's perfect as fuck and I love her, because that just doesn't seem like something I should say to my dad. It's all true, though. No real way around that one.
“You've got to be quality for her, too, though,” my dad says. “Quantity will only get you so far.”
“Are you talking about sex?” I ask, then add, “Are you talking about how often we have sex? Really now, Dad?”
“Which is fairly often, I'd wager,” he says.
“I don't even know how you'd know that,” I say. “I just told you we were dating yesterday. I mean, yeah, so this morning we were… sort of… we didn't actually have sex in the tent, alright? I know that might seem odd to you, but… so… we were fooling around, but… in the shower we did, but… why am I even talking to you about this? You can't possibly know anything about the quantity of uh… stuff…”
“Besides the fact that you're being needlessly defensive and making it obvious?” my dad says. “I know you, Ethan, and admittedly I think we have a lot of catching up to do, but I still know you and I know about your past, so it's not exactly surprising to find out that–”
Hope you're real fucking pleased with yourself, Dad! I thought we were way past the random embarrassment bullshit, but apparently not. I can't even fucking wait until you do this with Ashley around. I'm beyond thrilled for this to happen. Can't even fucking wait…
That's sarcasm, by the way. I'm not thrilled.
Basically I need to come up with a plan of action here. I've temporarily exposed myself and let go of my bad boy guarded exterior, but people are taking advantage of me here. This is bad. I need to, uh… do… stuff…
I don't know. I'll ask Ashley. Maybe she knows what's up with this kind of thing. Her and her mom seem to make it work with minimal awkwardness, so I think she can help me.
“Should we head back to the ladies now?” my dad asks. “Maybe they've found something exciting for us to do this afternoon. I think I saw a pamphlet for some sort of historical nature tour that sounded interesting.”
“Are you serious?” I ask him. “It's the woods. Why do we need someone to guide us while we walk in the woods?”
“Probably so we don't get lost and almost eaten by wolves or a bear,” my dad says.
“Good call,” I say, laughing. “That's probably it.”
I'd like to say that's that and everything was warm and fuzzy and amazing afterwards. I'd love to say we went on a weird historical nature tour with some hippy tour guide who talked to us about the spiritual nature of the trees or whatever the fuck. I'd really fucking like to say these things, but I can't, because when my dad and I get back to the front office where Ashley and her mom are standing around, I see her.
It's Scarlet. Demon woman or something. I don't think anyone's ever called her a demon woman, but it wouldn't exactly be inaccurate, alright? I think I've said this before, but she's crazy and dangerous and insane. Don't mistake her being crazy as the same thing as her being insane, either. They're two entirely separate afflictions in Scarlet's case, and I'm pretty sure she's both.
It's like craz-sanity or something. Also, this is why no one put me in charge of the dictionary. Craz-sanity? Seriously, what the fuck kind of word is that?
This is what happens when Scarlet is around, though. I think and do dumb shit. Ignore the fact that this tends to happen even when she's not around. It's worse when she's around. She's like… fuck… it's some science term… wait, it's a car part, too? Yeah, I know cars, so…
Catalytic converter! Except not the converter part, and… catalyst? Yeah, that's it.
Scarlet is a catalyst for bad shit, man. I'm pretty sure she's going to destroy Caleb. If he's got to be destroyed by anyone, I guess Scarlet's as good a choice as any, though. She's kind of cute in a weird way.
She's really not my type, but then again I guess you would never say Ashley's my type, either. What the fuck is a type, anyways?
Women are beautiful for all sorts of fucking reasons and I feel stupid for just having to point that out, but there you go. It's just that Scarlet is crazy and I guess that's what makes her beautiful, too. Not to me, but maybe to Caleb? Fuck if I know.
She's got glasses, she looks like she could use a hamburger or two except seriously this girl can eat if you give her a chance, and she loves art. The last one is the real problem here.
It's like, “Oh, Ethan, help me break into this school,” and I thought we were going to screw with them or something, just for fun, but, nah, she wants to do art, except in this case it's really just graffiti. I mean, it looked nice, so I guess there's that, but most people don't take too kindly to you painting a giant mural in their cafeteria, right?
If that was the last of it, then yeah, whatever. But it's not! She looks so fucking innocent is the problem. Glasses, small, a smile bright enough that you could use it to charge a solar-powered battery, and she's pretty nice when she's not being crazy and trying to convince me to do stupid shit, except she's always trying to do that and I don't even know why I agree anymore.
I stopped agreeing and she threatened to paint flowers and girly shit all over my dorm room when I was at football practice. How the fuck am I supposed to invite girls back to my dorm room when I've got flowers and fucking rainbow unicorns painted on my room walls?
Seriously, Scarlet, how the fuck?
I told you she's crazy. And dangerous.
And she's talking to Ashley right now, with Caleb just fucking… hovering…
Actually, they look pretty cute together. Caleb and Scarlet, I mean. Not Ashley and Scarlet. That is… that could actually be kind of hot, huh? Not that, uh… I'm not going to suggest that. I don't even really want that, but I'm a guy, so two girls making out is kind of relevant to my interests. Sorry?
Shit, I need to go save Ashley. Scarlet's going to destroy her, too, isn't she?
I wave my hands because I can't get too close to demon woman over there or else she'll con me into getting into trouble or something. I'm trying to be good here, Scarlet. I've got a girlfriend and everything. We're dating. This is serious shit.
I wave my hands and finally Ashley notices me but she gives me some weird as fuck look like why the fuck am I scared of Scarlet?
Why aren't you scared of her, Princess?
I guess there's not a lot of trouble we can get into in the woods, though. Right?
Yeah, uh… I ended up being wrong about that one…