Honestly, if you were to ask me what I'm doing, I wouldn't even know where to begin. I don't often, nor do I easily, become intrigued by something as much as I have these past few weeks. I never intended for this to happen, and I believe my behavior may be slightly unorthodox, but…
Well, where should I start? Probably from the beginning. That certainly seems like the best way to go about this.
Elise Tanner is a college student, who also happens to work part time at the library that is visible from my office window. My official job title is the Director of Public Relations for Landseer Enterprises, which is an interesting enough job in and of itself. I oversee the outward looking face of Landseer Enterprises, and I am tasked with creating a favorable reputation for the company in the public eye. Most of this entails vacation resorts and recreational facilities in the areas where these resorts exist, but there are a few other duties, as well.
That's what everyone is led to believe, at any rate. The reality of the situation goes a little deeper than that. No worries, I won't concern you with the specifics, and it hardly matters at this moment in time, anyways.
As I was saying…
Elise Tanner acts as a part time librarian at the library across the street and a short distance away from Landseer Tower. She would appear to have a deep love of books, as is evident by the stack that she seems to constantly be borrowing and returning from the library. Not a day goes by when I don't see her exiting the facility with at least one book in her hand, and when she returns the next day, she is usually returning a book, as well.
It's all rather fascinating. I doubt I've ever met anyone who reads nearly as much as she does. If I'm being exceedingly honest at the moment, I would be curious to know what exactly she reads. Does she prefer a certain genre? Perhaps a certain type of book, instead? Fiction, non-fiction, or a mix of both? Romance, fantasy, mysteries? Suspense, science fiction, historical…?
I briefly consider if I might make a few book recommendations to her, but that's a dangerous game to play and I'm absolutely certain that it's one I shouldn't even attempt to join into. No, it's much safer to watch her from afar.
Granted, this also gives me the appearance of… shall we say, an unsavory character, but I must assure you my intentions are mostly entirely pure. For the time being, at least. I am uncertain if they'll remain that way for long.
That's not to say I intend her any harm, because that couldn't be further from the truth. I live by a strict moral code, and I refuse to break a person's trust like that. Not that she has any trust in me, per se, but each and every person has a certain trust in society and the people around them, whether they realize it or not. You don't expect to be accosted and robbed every time you leave your home in the morning, do you? This is the same concept, to a degree.
You don't expect people to… stalk is such a malicious sounding word, isn't it? I don't consider myself that, and I would hardly say that what I'm doing is harassment. I simply enjoy peering out my window at about the approximate time when I know that Elise Tanner will be arriving to the library for her work shift, which coincides with the time she finishes her classes for the day. On weekends, she arrives earlier in the day, but on weekends it would also appear that she's not scheduled to work. She comes for educational purposes, perhaps to write an essay or do research. I have refrained from trying to discover what exactly she goes to college for at this current point in time, but I admit that I'm curious.
Anyways, I digress. I enjoy looking out my window and seeing when she arrives at the library, and I equally enjoy checking for her departure, as well. I find it to be a regular and ordinary event, which is enjoyable in its own way. Structure and trust in a system are important, and while this system is not one of my own making, I like it well enough.
She's very… I don't know how to explain this point, but I shall do my best. Elise Tanner is incredibly attractive to me, to the point that I find myself wanting to make an excuse to enter the library and discuss matters of no importance. Idle chit chat, if you will. Which is something I tend not to discuss with anyone, but I feel like I might make an exception for her.
Except I doubt she's the sort of woman I should interest myself in. More to the point, I doubt she's the sort of woman that would be interested in me. Yes, I'm affable, handsome, and well-mannered, but occasionally I am blunt and brash, and my tastes are…
Honestly, I'd like nothing more than to tie her up, bind her wrists above her head, bound to the headboard of my bed, while I slowly knot silken ropes around her ankles and then tie those to the footboard. I have multiple implements intended for punitive purposes that I certainly would not object to using on her. Of those, I think a paddle would do nicely, or perhaps something simpler like my own hand. It's good to get back to basics.
As I said before, I don't want to hurt her, but I have, shall we say… darker inclinations? BDSM, a dominant and his submissive, an exchange of trust, garnering a beautiful and blossoming relationship.
That's how it's supposed to be, and yet I admit I haven't found anyone suitable to my preferences. Yes, I have dabbled, or likely one would say more than dabbled. I have entertained submissives before, and maintained relationships with them. These are not “dating” relationships, nor would I consider them serious, but they serve a purpose. I practice control in all areas of my life, and this is no different.
I really would like nothing more than to see if I could make Elise Tanner mine, and yet I can't, either.
I like watching her. I like seeing her smile. I like the way she carries books to and from the library, keeping them loosely tucked beneath her arm. I like the clothes she wears, which are nicely fitted, yet not extravagant. They don't call attention to her the way many woman prefer, but because of this I find she calls to me even more? It's a strange concept, yet seemingly befitting of her.
I don't know if I'm romanticizing this or if her personality is similar to what I've concocted in my mind after watching her. I wish I knew more about her. I wish I could talk with her. I wish I could find out if she's into a less than vanilla lifestyle, and if she might be interested in more.
The only thing is that I want a lot more. Generally speaking, women that are predisposed to relationships like the one I seek are… well, they may not be obvious to the regular person, but I can usually tell by looking at them that they're exceptionally submissive.
Submissives come in all assortment of flavors, with dominants being much the same, and yet if I were to try and place Elise Tanner as one particular type, I don't think I could. Which says to me that she's not, and that I'm wasting my time.
Is that what it is? Am I trying to discern more about her than I should? I think so, yes.
It's just that…
Nothing. Stop it, Lucent. Return to what you were meant to do, and leave this poor woman alone.
I will. Soon. The problem is that she'll be leaving the library for the night soon and I'd like to see her off. Sort of. I want to make sure she reaches her car safely. It's not as if she has much of a distance to walk, and it's also not as if I could do anything if someone were to try and hurt or rob her, but…
There she is. She steps out of the main library doors, smiling to herself. The sight of her takes my breath away, very literally. I stop. I stop everything. I do nothing but watch her, see her smile, and then I smile, too.
I wish I were there. On the sidewalk. In front of her. I wish I could turn and look at her and smile. And casually say hello. I wish…
She skips down the steps quickly, getting to the sidewalk. No heels today. It's probably for the best, as she has a tendency to fumble a little when she's wearing them. She has two books now, but I can't see what they are from here. She walks to her car, opens the driver's side door, and gets in, then sits down. Without bothering to put the key in the ignition and turn the car on, she opens one of her books and begins to read.
She really is fascinating and intoxicating. And she's in her car now, so she's certainly safe. I can look away. I could, at least. I don't think I want to.
I watch her read, quietly mouthing the words of the book to herself. She flips to the next page, then the next, reading five like that, until she dogears the one she's on and then carefully places the book in the passenger's seat.
The way she casually handles books as if they were an old friend is enviable. I wish I could be that way with… what? Something, or someone? I don't know.
She drives away, leaving me to my own devices. Well and good, I do have things I need to finish before I go home for the day. I return to my laptop and type up what needs to be written.
Would it be strange if I sent her a letter? What would the letter say? A love letter? I admit it's really not my style, but I wonder if she would read it the same way she reads her books? Would she treat the letter carefully, yet casually, with intimacy and adoration? Would she…
I clear my throat and flip the screen of my laptop down, closing it. I need to meet with Asher Landseer before the day is through, and he'll want to be leaving soon, so I should attend to that immediately.