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One Night Sin – Maddy & Declan's Story (Chapter 16)
You know all of those notes Father Patch left with me? I read through some of them while he was still there with me. After the spiritual disaster I just had with my stepsister, I figured I should go through the rest of them. You know, just to brush up, make sure I can stay on point, do my stuff, tend to the flock, that sort of thing.
I'm supposed to act as a shepherd now, I guess. My church's congregation is my flock, and I should protect them and take care of them. Each and every one, which definitely includes Maddy. Which, uh… if I'm being real fucking honest with you, my thoughts towards Maddy are more in line with a wolf's than a shepherd's.
I mean, I don't want to devour her, but… yeah… I kind of do if you know what I mean. My face pressed tight between Maddy's thighs while I taste every sweet fucking drop of her arousal before she screams my name in ecstasy…
See? This is why I need those notes. I need the fucking notes, Father Patch! Why did you do this to me?
The first few pages are what I've already read, which is great stuff. Basics, starting off strong, the phone number I can reach him at, some ideas for a weekly sermon, and some times and dates for appointments he has scheduled. Awesome.
The rest is like… not that…
I pick up one of the papers and read it over again. It's pretty fucking easy considering it's just one solitary quote.
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Don't get me wrong, it's a great quote. I appreciate the sentiment and the meaning behind it. But why does this paper that's supposed to help me throughout the week have a single quote on it? What am I even supposed to do with this?
The next one is more of the same.
“For sin shall not be master over you, for you are not under law but under grace.”
The papers Father Patch left with me end with one that finally has some instructions, though. Thank you, Father Patch. Thank you, God.
I have no idea what God has to do with this, but I'm still thankful. You should always take a moment to thank the big guy if you have a chance. I don't know why. I feel like I should know why, but it's just something my mom told me once and it stuck with me. So, yeah, sure, why not? Thanks, God.
Which is great, but I don't have a lot of faith in myself at the moment. I mean, my first task as acting priest for a week was to listen to Maddy's confession, and we all know how that went. Thankfully no one else knows. God knows, I guess. If he has any suggestions on what to do, he's keeping pretty quiet, though. I feel like that's his usual modus operandi, but you never know. I'll take silence over being struck by lightning any day.
The real problem is that I'm already having doubts. I had doubts before, but I thought I had to deal with them. Now, I still know I have to deal with them, but it's worse knowing that Maddy might have the same doubts? Except I don't think she does. It's just a dream, Declan. I keep telling myself that over and over again. Yes, I've had dreams about Maddy in the past, but the thing is that I liked those dreams. I wanted those dreams. I had the same sinful thoughts when I was awake as I did in my dreams, so…
Maddy's different. This was just a dream. She doesn't think about me that way. She never has and she never will. It's pretty fucking obvious, too. She said we need to deal with this and confront this head on.
We aren't going to give in to our lust. We aren't going to lie to ourselves and tell each other that we can make this work. Because we can't. It'd be one thing if my mom wasn't married to her dad. It's be another thing if I wasn't in school with plans to become a priest.
I mean, dating? Yeah, we can date. We can't have sex until marriage, and… so that'd be really fucking hard for me if I were dating someone like Madelaine Hamilton, but… I think I could do it. Maybe. Or I'd propose marriage after a month, beg her to fly to Vegas with me that weekend, and fuck her for days after some Elvis impersonator gave us his blessing.
I'd make love to her, too. I love Maddy already, so I doubt that'd be hard. It's supposed to be a different kind of love. I'm supposed to love her like a sister, and I really do try so hard, but…
Yeah. It's hard. This is complicated. I don't even fucking know what else to say about that.
My phone buzzes. I have a text message. It's from Maddy.
Yeah, well, that shouldn't be too hard. I don't even know what I'm doing here anymore. I text her back, but then I hear another buzz. It's a lot of buzzing, actually. It's not my phone, either.
Or, it's kind of my phone. It's the church's phone that Father Patch left in a drawer in his desk. I open the drawer and check to see what's up.
It's Paul. He's the same age as me and Maddy, and in case you didn't know he's a complete douchebag. Seriously, I mean it, a Grade A asshole. I can deal with this kind of test, though. Things are looking up. Thanks for looking out, God.
I text him back:
And then his reply:
I don't know why, but I feel like people usually don't address their priest as “dude.” Not that I care. If I were an actual acting priest and I was in charge of a church, I'd be cool with my parish calling me dude. Father Dude? Yeah, why not? I'm fine with it.
Except, you know, Paul's a douchebag. I don't even want to know what he wants to talk with me about. It's probably awful. Maddy's told me some stuff.
I don't know if I have any room to judge, though. First off, I'm supposed to be supportive and not judge anyone to begin with. I get that Catholics seem kind of judgey sometimes, but we're not supposed to be. You're supposed to accept people and try to be better. You're supposed to do your best to be good, and there's guidelines for that, but only God can judge someone. I'm not here to judge.
That doesn't mean Paul isn't an asshole, though. I'm not even judging him. It's just a fact. Nothing I can do about that. Sorry, God. It's the truth.
I get another text. This time it's on my own phone.
I stare at the phone, blinking fast. Uh, what? Maddy, why are you doing this to me?
I also have the sudden mental image of me bending Maddy over a pew and spanking her while she shouts out, “Yes, Father Calhoun! Forgive me for my sins! I've been a very naughty girl!”
Which, you know… No. Just no. No no no, never, not a chance, not going to happen. Capital N, fucking O.
That's a good reply, right? It's better than telling her about my completely inappropriate daydream from two seconds ago. Let's pretend that never happened.
I'm trying here. I'm seriously fucking trying…
Paul enters the fray… I wonder what he wants to talk to Declan about? I'm sure it's not any good. Ugh!
Except, you know, if Declan's trying to be good and he's supposed to be acting as a priest for a week then there's not that much he can do about it, now can he? Provide guidance, I guess.
What if it has to do with Maddy, though? Oh no…
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